Advice for cats from a diva feline princess

Since Mia has already posted twice, she has deemed herself an accredited expert in all things cat related and is pleased to introduce a segment written exclusively by her as a service to all you cats in need of advice. She was tired of reading  endless articles from clueless humans who dare to think they understand the inner workings of a cat, so, she took it upon herself, despite her busy preening and napping schedule, to offer practical advice to cats that is actually from a cat. Entitled “Dear Mia,” she answers all the questions you cats direct to her with as much honesty and helpfulness as possible. However, because Mia is a bit stuck up and quite the little diva, this advice is only based on how she perceives life and might not actually offer you the guidance you really need. If you do not agree with her opinion, she will not care, because in her mind, she is ALWAYS right. If you want to contact Mia with any of your personal cat questions or concerns, please email her at info@zeezoey.com and she will do her best to post a reply to you. Maybe. If she’s in the mood…

Her first letter is ironically a question from her brother Rolz, as translated by her sister Peanut, because Rolz does not know how to write. It goes like this:

Dear Mia,

Our humans insist on rubbing my belly, causing me not only awkward displeasure, but it gives me a funny feeling that makes my body tense up and my legs react by rabbit kicking. Is it okay to bite my humans to make them stop?

Sincerely,

Rolz

Dear Rolz,

Yes, by all means, please feel free to bite your humans. Humans by nature are not always bright and often overlook the very obvious signs you are giving them to stop the uninvited behavior. One of two things will then happen. Your humans will either yell at you for biting or they will actually comprehend that you really DON’T like to have your belly rubbed. If they do yell at you, the next step is to leave an unexpected hair ball in a place certain to be stepped on by said humans as retaliation. They will never connect the dots but you will feel better for doing it.

Meows and hugs,

Mia

By now we have all heard of the California cat, Dusty, aka Klepto, who goes on nightly stealing binges taking anything from old sneakers to bathing suits hanging on the clothesline from his assorted neighbors. Dusty has brought his human owners over 600 items in the past three years and has brought himself renowned fame for his addictive habit.   

Nothing against Dusty, we do applaud his crafty efforts, but our beloved Zee has been going on his own stealing spree for many years as well, he just prefers to keep it a bit under raps. This is probably due to the fact that his stealing is limited to items within our own home and is limited to small plush toys. Not nearly as newsworthy I suppose. But, in Zee’s defense, he is not an outdoor cat – we don’t allow our cats run of the neighborhood, plus Zee is scared of his own shadow and would not have the sensibility required to be a street cat. Poor dear, Zee barely has the sensibility to be an indoor cat, he is such the sweet and sensitive fellow! Read more

Mia daydreaming about snuggling on warm laundry…

Hi Everyone – Mia here! My Human Mom (HM) has been extra, super busy lately – she’s getting ready to go to a pet writing conference this weekend that is really, really important to her, so I thought I would give her a break and fill in for her since she seems to have all but abandoned the blog this past week. First of all, I know she would want me to thank all of you on her behalf for all the wonderful comments and feedback regarding our AWESOME book cover and sample chapter that you gave her! Don’t my Mama Zoey and Papa Zee look great on the cover? Now you can see why I’m so pretty! Read more

One cat, one dish. Two cats, two dishes. Three cats, threes dishes. Certainly seems logical, simple, and very manageable. Anything after that, the game starts to change. In our house, we have seven cats, so you do the math… feeding time for our gang is anything but logical, simple, and manageable.

How cats can tell time is beyond me, but trust me, they can. I get home at approximately 6:00 pm every weekday. The cats are already waiting for me at the door, several minutes BEFORE I get home and make they make it all but impossible for me to get inside the house, as I have to try to walk through a sea of hungry cats. They talk and chatter excitedly to me to tell me about their day, allowing me approximately 2.3 seconds to catch my breathe and relax before they remind me that I have already taken too much time and it is time to feed them dinner. Never mind that I religiously feed them every single day at approximately the same time. They feel they MUST tell me in a very loud chorus of seven unique and loud meows, that IT IS DINNER TIME, lest this is the one time I might possibly forget them.  As if…

Dan will have their clean dishes waiting on the counter for me and the dizzying ordeal begins as I mix together a special concoction of canned food and dry kibble into each dish. Peanut will jump up and try to steal a piece or two of kibble to my left, while Zoey will distract me and jump to the right. Dan will tell them to “get down,” grab Peanut and put her on the floor. Peanut will jump back up. Dan will grab Peanut and yell at Zoey to get down. The cats will circle me in a walking swarm, twenty-eight collective legs of perpetual energy, causing me to constantly be inches away from tripping over them and falling to the floor. This ritual will continue in secession until the food dishes hit the floor. If anyone but me feeds them, the meal is considered null and void and merely a “snack.” In their minds, unless it is me who feeds them, they have not been fed.

After all of this pomp and circumstance, just like Thanksgiving dinner, they will be done eating in about two minutes and calm will return to our world for another 24 hours. The weekends are no exception to the phenonium of their uncanny ability to tell time and the chaos level and need to remind me to feed them remains on a steady course, even on Holidays. You can set you alarm to this, I assure you…

Our architectural masterpiece - Rolz on top shelf, Mia (left) and Peanut (right) on "arms," Zee on perch, and Zoey inside the heart shaped doorway

On the surface, it would appear that Dan and I are a bit crazy when it comes to our cats. However, it turns out you don’t have to dig much further to find out crazy is only the tip of the iceberg with us and a very polite word for our over the top behavior. Point in fact – we determined our cats were “bored” and outgrowing their current four-story cat condo and decided it was critical we build them a custom created, five story unit, lest we be condemned for mistreating our cats to live such a life of woe and cramped misery. 

Truthfully, the old condo was a bit worse for the wear. We had gotten it prior to Zoey and it was showing extreme signs of neglect due to its many years of use. The bottom, or ground floor was an open area with four carpeted columns supporting the rest of the condo and was almost bare to the plywood from all the cat scratching. The second floor had a barn type of housing enclosure and had a very small front door opening with very ordinary square windows. The next floor was a tiny rectangular resting shelf and the top floor was also a rectangular piece that had  upright sides about 4 inches high that gave it  the feeling of a carpeted box and it was Rolz’s primary place of residence during his afternoon naps. Based on this boring description, clearly this would not do. This is Zee and Zoey folks…. Nothing ordinary allowed, remember? Read more