The Many Shades of a Crazy Cat Lady
It is no secret in my cat-centric world that a lot of my friends and colleagues despise the term “crazy cat lady” and based on its loose definition, i.e., that a “crazy cat lady” is a woman, usually middle-aged or older, who lives alone with no husband or boyfriend and fills the empty, lonely void in her life with as many cats as she can, I can understand why. The definition has expanded into part of our mainstream language and has become a popular cliché to describe just about anyone who is a cat person in a derogatory manner.
I personally do not have a problem with the term if it is directly said about me because I know how ludicrous the premise is. I am lot of things, but crazy has never been one of them. I am a multi-dimensional person who happens to love cats, but they are not the only facet of who I am as an individual so it is hard for me to entertain the label in a serious fashion.
I do, however, understand the inherent danger in the term and why many would take offense. Throughout much of my grade and middle school years I was labeled as being “different” even though there was nothing wrong with me. I was bullied and called names for being shy, the shortest girl in class, wearing thick glasses, and not being pretty or good in sports – it was extremely hurtful and took me much of my adult life to get over it. Labels can cause serious emotional damage and perpetuating the crazy cat lady stereotype hurts not only devoted, caring, and compassionate cat loving people, but it hurts the feline species in general because it buys into the false stereotypes about cats in general – that they are not friendly and don’t make good pets.
I have seen several sitcoms recently during prime-time that featured cats in a way that was meant to be humorous (according to the canned laughter response). The setup was identical – lonely person can’t fit into “normal” society. Next scene, said apartment is overrun with cats to fill the void in that poor, hapless, and eccentric person’s life. Not only is it not funny, it is lazy, tired, hackneyed, and poor writing. Why can’t writers embrace reality and have cats seen in a positive light on these shows – studies clearly show that a cat can improve a person’s health, happiness, and well-being, so why not share the news?
Yeah… I have a lot of cats… so what. This picture hardly evokes an image of crazy in my opinion.
And the craziest thing about the crazy cat lady label is that in all my years of being around cat ladies, never once have I actually met one. All of my cat loving lady friends are strong, devoted, and intelligent people. I’ve never seen any of them with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth, wearing a bathrobe and curlers, with cats crawling up their legs. And the single women that I know who also happen to have cats are single by choice. They lead lives just like everyone else and while they might have crazy tendencies, it does not go hand in hand that it is related to the ratio of cats they have.
But is should be noted that not everyone is offended by the term. Some cat loving ladies (and men) wear the crazy label as a badge of honor. Kind of like, yeah, I take care of 30 outdoor cats and have 12 cats of my own – what of it? I’m proud of who I am and if that makes me crazy, then bring it on!
I just try my best to be respectful and fair. I don’t use the term in my everyday language and I don’t use it to describe myself or my cat loving peers. If someone were to call me crazy, I would just take the opportunity to politely extol the virtues of cats and let them know that they are confusing crazy with love, dedication, and devotion to the species. On more than one occasion with a naysayer, my rationale viewpoint has resulted in a cat adoption with them, so I consider that a victory. I just don’t ever want people to feel that they have to apologize for loving their cat(s) or to feel ashamed to tell someone how many cats they have for fear of being labeled crazy. That just needs to stop regardless of whether you call yourself a crazy cat person or not. I have 7 cats and I would never feel embarrassed to tell anyone that.
And let’s face it – as a nation we can be a zealous bunch and the shades of our crazy are not just limited to cat ladies. From mild behavior to extreme fanaticism, we honor, celebrate, and worship such things as sports, shoes, decorating for the holidays and celebrating Halloween to name just a few. I consider my blatant affection for wearing cat ears a mild form of expressing my celebration and love of the feline species, although some may disagree and deem it crazy, unprofessional, or immature for my age. I say that it is my best conversational tool to opening the door to positive cat communication. Clearly I know I can’t wear my cat ears to my day job, but when I go to book signings and adoption events, I always wear my cat ears because it breaks the ice – people feel I am approachable and then I can share important information on such subjects as spay/neuter that I would not otherwise be able to do if people just walked past me.
And what a shame if we judged people solely based on appearance, because behind those cat ears is a warm, loving, kind, caring, and intelligent person who has done considerable advocacy work for cats. Or what about Jackson Galaxy? Clearly on the surface he looks like all shades of crazy. Yet there he is, tattoos and all, breaking all kinds of stereotypes and doing an incredible job teaching the world to love and accept cats.
Jackson Galaxy and I at last year’s Cat Writers’ Conference. Say what you want about our outward appearance, but the truth is, together we are a powerhouse team of cat sanity.
I worry more about the anthropomorphism of cats – in other words, giving cats human characteristics. Talk about crazy – cats have been elevated to such status on the Internet by the mainstream that the species has become detached from reality. Cats playing the piano, Grumpy cat, cats who blog as cats in a special cat language, cats wearing clothes, and so on. I’m not saying it’s bad per se, I’m guilty of anthropomorphizing my cats on more than one occasion and I’ve even seen the most serious of cat bloggers engage in the practice themselves to one extent or another. I worry more about cats getting hurt in the process as people try to “one-up” each other in search of fame and glory. For example, I for one found very little humor in the owner who turned his dead cat into a helicopter for YouTube.
Cats are not people, nor are they disposable, nor should they be exploited in any way that could harm them. It is up to us to make the world a better place for them. So, for me, I find the best label for me is to be myself, Deb Barnes, someone who just happens to love cats and does the best she can on a daily basis to help inform, educate, and entertain people on the species. Perhaps a few letters are in order to some of the big wigs at the networks to hire new writers…
Anyhow, what about you? How do you feel about the crazy cat lady label?
A very thoughtful piece on the issue. As you so eloquently wrote in your post, the term “crazy cat lady” doesn’t tell us anything about the woman it’s being applied to. I do wish that writers and bloggers would think long and hard about not using the term at all. I feel that as cat writers we have the perfect platform to stop perpetuating the stereotype. Let’s use it wisely.
That is the essence of it all, Ingrid. Crazy does not necessarily equate to something bad, but, as you said, it does require that we look beyond the surface of the woman it is being applied to.
LOVE LOVE LOVE, did I say LOVE this? Very well written, thoughtful piece that addresses a term that is outdated and simply cruel. I love how you compared the term to making someone being “different,: such as being bullied for something in school; what a great analogy!
Thank you Liz – being different was a struggle for me. Now, I accept and embrace my uniqueness and I hope that others can with themselves as well.
I proudly wear the badge of crazy cat lady with my family. I am married to a crazy cat man too. I enjoy blogging about my cats and dressing them up for photo shoots and my adult kids always call me a crazy cat lady. I get cute and silly cat stuff from people for Christmas, it’s all good clean fun here. I have lots of cat owners ask me questions about cat care and behavior so I feel like my cat lady badge gives me an opportunity to give back to the cat lover’s community. Great blog post. Love your photo with Cat Daddy 🙂
Kat – my life mirrors yours – the only difference, most people don’t call me crazy, but I assume that is due to my reserved personality. Both Dan and I are extremely passionate about our feline family and we get cat stuff as gifts all the time! I am glad you enjoyed the post and I think the point of it all is that crazy doesn’t always have to mean something negative. It really depends on the context in which the term or label is used and that is where we need to be careful and respectful as writers.
I wear it with pride. I am never embarrassed to tell anyone I have eight cats. If I say I am a crazy cat lady, that’s probably what they are thinking. I don’t care what they think. I am a happy individual with eight felines who are well cared for and loved. Labels are unimportant. What I think of myself and how I respond to what other people say to me, is what matters. I will proudly join a bunch of other “crazy” cat ladies and men this afternoon at the fundraising event for the TNR/rescue group for which I volunteer. Without our “crazy” selves, many more kitties in our area would still be on the streets. Hugs, Janet
p.s. The photo of four of your kits on the tree is lovely. The last time four were on our tree at the same time is right after we got it!
Kitties Blue – I think when crazy is embraced in a positive way, good comes from it. I know you are a kind, dedicated, and passionate cat lover and I am sure that comes though loud and clear at the fundraiser events you attend. It is these types of instances, in my opinion, that show just how unimportant labels really are.
A lot of people have very strong feelings about this. It seems that the fact that someone has a need to label others “crazy” is more of a comment on the one doing the labeling than the one who is being called the name.
Very good point, Sometimes Cats Herd You…
Nice, Deb! I love the last paragraph — says it all.
And I love your website, too. You and your husband are amazing photographers/designers.
Thank you Cat – the last paragraph sums it up for me as well. And thank you for the compliment on the photographs – Dan does all the amazing photography and I am the designer!
I LOVE this article. Intelligent and articulate.
Thank you Linda – I really appreciate you coming by to comment.
I loved your post, Deb. It’s purrfectly wonderful.
My relationship with my cats has deepened to something I never dreamed possible…in part due to my blogging experience and the great people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and networking with. I truly believe this has made me wiser and richer. Not crazy at all. ; )
(ok, and let’s clarify…by ‘richer’ I’m not talking the green stuff!)
xo
GG
I like how you think, Glorgirly. Very well put and the same holds true for me. As far as the ears, I know Katie is not a fan, unless she has gotten over that fear!
well said – though I will have to admit to having cats crawl up my legs before – those foster kittens seem to think it makes dinner appear faster. 🙂 I am not a big fan of ANY label. Does my job define who I am? nope Does my rescue work define who I am? nope (but maybe more so than my job) I say wear you cat ears with pride and let people think what they are going to think….but if the ears, or sitting at an adoption event with a kitten asleep on my lap, brings about a conversation, I am all for that
Random Felines – I have definitely had cats climb up my legs as well! I have one who crawls up my back to sleep on my head. Anyhow, I’m glad you liked the post and I do wear my cat ears with pride. I will be at an event tomorrow and will be wearing them in all my glory!
Deb, as always this was beautifully and sensitively written.
Me? I AM “crazy” so I don’t take offense at being called crazy AT ALL……..I expect it and embrace it.
I am starting to wonder if I am your friend because of this: you don’t have any friends with a “cigarette hanging out of their mouth” uh oh…………
xoxoxo
Caren – as always, love your style! Yes… I have seen you with the cigarette hanging out of your mouth and I have seen pictures of you going to a Lions game which is a league of crazy in and of itself! But, I’ve yet to see the whole kit and caboodle from you – as in cigarette, bathrobe, and curlers! Do I hear a challenge!?? LOL!
No crazy cat ladies here! In fact, TW said she didn’t see any at Blogpaws. And, yes, I find putting cat heads on human bodies very disturbing even though it’s something that’s been done for a long time. TW just read on one of the ancient Christmas cat ornaments that it was in fashion long ago.
CK… I saw the post of your human wearing a cat head and I am still having nightmares… what is up with us humans that we feel we must wear cat heads, or in my case, cat ears? Sigh… I would suggest that cats wear human ears, but that would be far too demeaning for the cat!
I don’t understand the prejudice against “cat people” and cats in general. There’s no disparaging term that comes to mind for dog fanatics. I find it rather fascinating.
To a different point, I love your website- gorgeous pictures and insightful information. Thanks for always entertaining.
Warmly,
Shannon Wright
Shannon – you bring up a good point and that is another topic that could be discussed in length. I used to have 5 dogs, 4 cats, a rabbit, and a frog at the same time. When someone would come to the door, it was like chaos had come to visit. I will admit that back then, I was called crazy… Thank you for the comment and I am so happy to hear you enjoy the blog!
I could write a book in response to this post, but you’ve really already said everything and succinctly. I saw the CLL stereotype on 2 Broke Girls recently. It’s really not funny, but apparently some people/writers must think it is or they wouldn’t keep throwing it out there. I am a CLL in that I am single and crazy for cats, but that is all. I can see why people hate the label. It IS a form of bullying, and perpetuating the stereotype does not help cats or people who love them.
Julia – I saw the promo for that episode and did not watch it as I knew they would exaggerate the cats to the point of utter ridiculousness. But, they do that with every stereotype on that show…
You are clearly an example of what I mean in my blog – single with cats, yet obviously an intelligent, caring, strong, and proud individual.
Excellent post! I think I’ve always been so cat involved that I ignore the label. When you travel 45 weeks of the year selling cat things at cat shows you learn to roll with it. Blogging has made the cat world even more special to me. We’ve met a lot of wonderful people through the blog. Some have one cat, some have many. Not one is crazy in my opinion!
The Florida Furkids and Mom Sharon
You bring up an interesting point, Florida Furkids. Before blogging, I probably was called crazy as well, but never took it too seriously because I did not feel it was being directed to me in a harmful way. But I still am able to see that the term can cause harm and that we need to be mindful of how and where we use it.
Deb, loved this. Stereotypes are slow to change ( look at Halloween cats) but by shedding light and having a conversation, it fosters a chance for change. I’ve been labeled a cat person my whole life but never crazy.
That is very true, Layla, and it certainly applies to stereotypes across the board throughout history. In many ways we have become a much more tolerant and enlightened society, but in so many ways we still have not…
I don’t care for it. I find it sexist and demeaning.
Your post reminded me of something that happened yesterday. I am the worst about waiting to get my hair cut when I’ve let it get way too long. So yesterday I bit the bullet and went, and as I was leaving, I realized the reason I hate going is the women working there usually remind me of the mean girls that were so cruel to me as a kid in school. Wow. I had no clue.
RumpyDog! To this day, even with all the mental healing I have gone through as I have aged, every now and again something will trigger a knee-jerk reaction to my days back in school and I am shocked that I can still be hurt by it…
Boy do I fit the stereotype! Single without a man in my life who happens to live with two wonderful cats who are my world! Yeah, right! I have a Ph.D. In mathematics and have a great job, many friends, and multiple interests. I just happen to love my fur children and don’t care who knows it.
When meeting with some fellow cat bloggers today in DC, the hostess in the restaurant said, “Here’s the crazy cat people.” I just responded with my southern dialect with a big smile and said, “we’re the wonderful cat people.”
Sweet Purrfections – I absolutely LOVE your response! 🙂
I don’t use the term crazy cat lady in reference to others as I know that some do find it offensive. I don’t mind jokingly referring to myself as a crazy cat lady, but I do have to admit that I tend to cringe when others try to call me one. It just depends on the spirit of the delivery of it, I guess. I just find it odd that our society has a negativity towards people who have multiple cats, but if someone has multiple dogs in a household, that’s not seen as weird or odd. Why is that? (By the way, I do love dogs too.)
Yes, I know what you mean, Kathie. And yeah, we do need to try to unlock the mystery of the multiple dog v. cat attitude. I happen to love dogs as well and there is no reason for the conflict!
Thank you for writing such a well thought out piece on this topic. I have thought all of the things you’ve said from my own perspective on more occasions than I care to count. Some of the worst offenders in my world are family members, and this makes the label of “crazy because of her multiple cats” sting more so than people I don’t know or I don’t know very well flinging the label my way.
Additionally, there is also a visible fear that I’ve seen in some people (again, usually family) that–“no man will want to come into your life with so many cats!” My reply is this: 1) no man is in my life by my choice, and 2) IF it were cats keeping anyone from being with me–then it would *never* work. I will always advocate for, rescue, re-home and love all cats–mine, ferals in my neighborhood, those I meet in my travels, or see on the many blogs I visit daily. They are part of my DNA, I think. I have no intention of changing myself, except to be a stronger, more vocal and active member of the community of intelligent, empathic humans who are fearless in their devotion to making this earth a better place for all animals, especially the felines.
Finally, I will say: I’ve always been considered quirky–a lovable quirky. And I have come to embrace and celebrate that title. I suppose in time, the “crazy cat lady” label will no longer impact me. I’ll laugh, and wonder how those people can be so shallow as to only see one dimension of my mult-faceted and sparkling personality 🙂
Cheers, Deb. For loving and educating and wearing your cat ears. I adore you!
Laura – I can definitely understand where you are coming from and it is a very sad statement that some people (especially family) would project that a man would not want you with so many cats. If there is to be a man in your life, I can only imagine the love, fun, passion, and adventures you would share together advocating and taking care of animals. The world is a better place for you in it, glorious quirks and all!
It is sad though that some succumb to the pressure – I just learned of someone who recently got married and got rid of her cat because her husband is not a cat person. I would never, ever let anyone distract me from the animals that I love and if it is an issue, then that person is not meant to be a part of my life in a close and personal sense. I don’t mind if someone does not share my opinion, but then they need to respect my life and opinions as well.
Anyhow, I really enjoyed your comments and cheers back to you, cat ears and all!! xoxox
Well said, Deb! I tend to take a “How stupid are you?” attitude towards anyone who actually believes the stereotype. I do not encounter it that often, as I tend to surround myself with people who are sensitive to the loving relationships people have with their pets, so I sometimes forget that this can be a harmful label. I agree with Ingrid in some respects that repeating the words can reinforce the label. But I also am one who challenges the ignorant to “Bring it.” I live alone with my 5 cats and watch others struggle with unbalanced relationships, and wonder – Who’s the crazy one?
BZTAT – yes, that is how I would imagine you would react! I think that just being ourselves is the best course of action and we all advocate and educate those around us in our own unique ways!