Clockwise, Old Dog Bone, Feather Toy, Kitty, Squirrel, Big Mouse, Little Mouse, Tiger, and center, Carrot

Who would have thought love literally was a battlefield, but in our household with Zee and Zoey, love indeed, is a battlefield! 

In the spirit of of love and holiday gift giving, let me share with you what that really means to Dan and I in regards to what Zee and Zoey give to us each and every night and each and every morning. I don’t know about your cats, but for us, if something happens with them once, chances are it will officially become a habit from that point forward. For Zee, that would be what we sweetly and endearingly call his “nightly homage” and for Zoey, that would be what we unenthusiastically call her “irritating and obnoxious early morning wake-up growl.” Both of them are completely devoted to their habits and take them very seriously, regardless of the weather, what day it is, or how inappropriate it may be at the time.

Zee’s habit started several years ago before the kittens were born. Basically it goes like this, Dan and I will finally call it a night and get ready for bed. We will be in bed for a few minutes and hear a strange mumbly, garbled meow chatter from Zee, like he has cotton in his mouth and can’t quite talk, then we will hear a slight noise, as he drops something to the floor. This pattern will occur on average anywhere from 4 to 7 times per night and gets louder and more animated with each drop. Each drop also requires a “thank you Zee” from Dan and I as he rouses us from our semi-sleep state. What he is actually doing, is bringing us his nightly gifts of love and appreciation for his life with us, which are his favorite, beloved stuffed toys.

A stuffed carrot from an old Easter Bunny as well as Kitty, Mouse, and Old Dog Bone usually make the cut. Sometimes he will find other items such as Tiger or Leopard Heart. Regardless, waking up in the morning is like walking through a land-mine battlefield of  love – I will invariably step on whatever toy has a squeaky sound as I am trying to make it out of the still dark room, quietly, to start the day. It is absolutely the most amazing thing I have ever seen in a cat. It seems during the night these gifts are brought as some sort of homage to Dan and I, but he will even do this during the day as a method of communication, for not only himself, but on behalf of all the cats.

We will see a toy dropped next to the food or water dish, as if to say, this is my gift to the “Food God,” please feed us. We will find toys at the threshold of the back door or at the windows for the “We want to go outside God,” and sometimes he will bring them to us if we are on the computer and drop them at our feet so that we will take a break and give him and the others some loving! If Dan I and are gone during the day, or happen to go out for a bit a night, he will drop toys on the bed, as if to tell the other cats that he will get us to come back home with his “rain dance” of offerings. Sometimes Jazz will assist with this one – he will go into the bedroom and ransack all my drawers, opening them and flinging bits of clothing everywhere, so that I will find assorted bathing suits, pajamas, and tank tops strewn all over the floor! I truly think that in Zee’s case, he really feels it is his responsibility to keep us all happy, both feline and human. And in light of the fact that we do feed them, we do bring them outside, we do love them and we do come home each and every day, I can’t blame him for thinking his habit is the reason this all happens. What a sweetheart he is!

Zoey’s loving habit is a bit less endearing, actually a lot less endearing, but no less amazing. She will, without fail, wake up anywhere between a half hour to 10 minutes before my alarm clock goes off with blood-curdling, menanacing growls that pierce into the still of the morning, telling the kittens to get out of the bedroom and out of my way so that I can get up and start the day by feeding them some morning kibble. Daylight savings time, weekday, weekend, headache, hangover. Doesn’t matter, I still get the greeting, which in turn causes Dan to wake up, so sleeping in is a thing of the past and something we only fantasize about now. Thanks Zoey! Maybe you could try bringing us a toy, just once in a while. Wanting every extra minute of sleep I can get, I will invarilabley shoo her and the rest of the cat clan out of the room and shut the door. Jazz will then open it again, completely defeating my efforts as all seven cats come swarming back into the room!

One would think I should just buy a lock for the door and shut and lock it before we go to bed so it would be “Jazz proof” and we could get a full night of sleep. Sure people. I’m a fanatic, remember, and not normal. I could not possibly think of upsetting my little darlings even though for them, disrupting us is the name of the game. I would miss all of the nightly spooning and snuggling with them when they climb into bed with us. And, in their own warped ways, they are doing it out of love. Zee, bless his little soul, does bring us gifts, even though he keeps us up throughout the night, and Zoey, well, bless her little soul too – she is just saying “good morning.”

Those are the relatively harmless battle scars of love. Notwithstanding the severe allergy attacks that occur from living and breathing the same air as these delightful creatures, we actually have the physical battlescars of love from Zee and Zoey as well. I have my literal scars appropriately from Zoey, and Dan’s from Zee. Mine happened one night when I was in bed before Dan came in for the night. He walked in and  inadvertently startled Zoey, who quickly reacted by raking across my face in alarming speed, leaving a street mark of scratches across my face as an autograph of her bewilderment. I was leaving in the morning to catch a flight for a very important seminar in New York City on the book publishing industry. Needless to say, I certainly brought my own unique branding and recognition to myself with those beautiful red welt marks that stayed with me for days, lest I forget Zoey and the book I was writing about her.

Dan got his turn one night innocently watching TV on the couch. Zee was young and was in one of those wild moods that cats get into where they zip and zing from one piece of furniture to the next for no apparent reason. Well, Zee used Dan’s head as a landing pad  to further launch himself, like a projectile, to the other side of the living room, embedding his claws into Dan’s scalp as he did it, which, of course, drew lots of blood. Just lovely indeed…

So, Love is a Battlefield, makes sense now, right? In the spirit of Zee and Zoey – here is my gift to you – go ahead, I dare you, get into the mood and hit the link so that this song plays in your head over and over and over again (I hope it works on your computer!). You know you want to…

“We are young, heartache to heartache we stand

No promises, no demands

Love is a battlefield

We are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong

Searchin’ in hearts for so long, both of us knowing

Love is a Battlefield”

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