If I cared enough to learn how to read, I would know that my sister Mia was talking about me behind my back the other day on the Internet. I don’t know what the Internet is, but I like it when people talk about me because I am an awesome and perfect cat and people should talk about me. But, my sister Peanut said that Mia was being mean and saying that I was too egotistical. I don’t know what that word is, but if it means that I am handsome then she is right. Peanut does not like it when anyone is mean, so she said she would type some words for me to post on Mom and Dad’s blog. I don’t know what a blog or posting is either, but she says it is really important and that my brother Zeuss does it all the time. I don’t know what any of this means, but I pretended I did. Anyhow, if Peanut wants to talk about me, then I like it.

My true reflection

I trust Peanut, she would never do anything to hurt my feelings. Plus, my brother Zeuss is really cool and really famous. Of course, not as cool as me, no one is, but anyway, he went on an airplane to Boston and is always starring in u-tube videos. I just think Mia is jealous of me and I really don’t care anyway. I am very handsome and very spoiled and my humans do everything for me anyway. I plan on becoming famous after my Mom and Dad finish writing their book and get it published so why do I care if Mia is acting like a little princess brat. I actually like that about her and it doesn’t bother me like it bothers Peanut. Mia cares about how pretty she is and I like that about her too. I like to look at myself in the mirror like she does and admire my  handsomeness.

When I am famous I will be dating all kinds of cats and be a star just like Garfield or Morris the Cat and be in lots of movies, TV shows, commercials, and tabloid magazines. I will eat lots of gourmet tuna and sardines and drive a fancy car like that cat Toonces who is on TV. I will have a high-rise cat condo lined with plush designer carpeting and my name will be monogrammed on a special catnip smoking jacket for me. That is what is important to me. I will be photographed with all the great ones – Cat Kardashian, Angelina Cat-Jolie, Jennifer Cattsion, Nicole Catman, and Eva Felingoria.

Until then, I am just having my humans wait on me hand and paw. I always make them come to me – I don’t need to beg for attention like Peanut and I stretch out on the bed in all my handsome glory and let them admire me from afar. They may gaze upon my greatness but are not allowed to touch me. If they touch me, my body melts and it messes up my perfect coat. I can understand why they want to touch me, after all, I am very good looking and they just can’t help themselves. As you can see from my stunning photographs, I take after my Dad, Zee, and am very grand and regal like him.    I also talk a lot like he does. I don’t need to type like Peanut or Mia – if I have something to say, which I always do, I just say it and people always listen because I am very important. I have some of my Mom’s traits too – I am very strong and can climb trees just like her.

Clockwise - Mia, me (Rolling), and Peanut

Everyone thinks I am dumb, lazy, shallow, and vain (mostly Mia), but really I’m not. I’m actually quite ingenious and intelligent – I have figured out how to have everyone do everything for me and love and adore me at the same time. Pretty smart, huh? And as far as my looks, I can’t help it that I am so stunning and perfect. And I am actually quite an irresistibly charming rascal and can be very playful when I want to be – I share a spot on the bed during the day with my sisters and Mom and will let them nap with me and I even do my trademark “roll on my back” for my human Dad to take pictures of me. My cat Dad usually stays on the hamper in the bathroom during the day, but if he wants to nap on the bed with me, that’s okay too. I am kind of a bully though, when it comes to Aunt Harley and Grandpa Jazz – I chase them around the house and my humans yell at me all the time because Harley and Jazz are not as strong as me and they say I need to respect my elders. I’m just trying to show off my chasing skills. Mom, Dad, Mia and Peanut would all fight back. Harley and Jazz don’t.

Anyhow, I could talk about  myself all day and night long but you already can see how handsome and amazing I am and Peanut said she wants to go snuggle with the family and is going to stop typing now.

Rolz