Standing Room Only? For My Cats, It’s Lying Room Only
This photo from 2020 sums me up. Anywhere I am, there will be a cat, or two, or three…
My cats, no matter what point in the journey of my life, have always been bonded to me. Some more than others, ranging from degrees of “Yes, please make sure to pat me when you walk by, but then go your merry way,” to “Oh my God, no! Please don’t ever let me out of your sight, my life as I know it will be over if I don’t know where you are at all times!” In early March of this year, that dynamic shifted, with nearly all of my current gang of seven consumed with the need to be near me.
What happened was a very unexpected twist of events. One in which my fiancé, Dan, had a catastrophic accident, resulting in complete tears in both his quadriceps, requiring surgery to reattach the torn tendons to both kneecaps, 11 days later. I don’t think anyone truly understands how life-changing this is; for both the person who is in recovery, as well as the person who is the caregiver, in this case, primarily me.
Dan is a vibrant, active man and he now found himself nearly 100% bedridden with both his legs in cumbersome braces that went from his shin to nearly up his full leg. He’s also very independent and suddenly had to rely on me for practically everything – from the simplest of getting him a glass of water in a container he could manage to drink from, to taking over the household duties, shopping, and yardwork he normally did.
His legs also required around-the-clock icing with a special machine to reduce the swelling and pain. I set up a makeshift recovery area in the bedroom for him, trying to make it as easy as possible for him to eat, watch TV on a laptop computer, and more. He had to always lie on his back and had limited mobility, aided much later using a walker. Sitting in a chair, bending, among a mile-long multitude of other things we take for granted, were now daily challenges.
In between helping him (getting him into the backseat of my car for follow-up doctor’s appointments is a whole other story), I have a very demanding full-time job, the cats, cooking, cleaning, litter boxes, running errands, and my own personal and household needs to take care of. Thankfully, Dan’s daughter Crystal came for a few weeks to help, and despite the circumstances, we found the silver lining: an opportunity for all of us to nurture and strengthen our bonds.
To say life was topsy-turvy, however, is an understatement, especially for the cats who were used to a very predictable and quiet schedule with the lifestyle Dan, and I used to live. One of the changes was me sleeping on the couch at night because Dan could not be disturbed in bed and I wanted to make sure I was close by and could hear him in case he called me for something. Needless to say, by the time I finally did make it to the couch to settle for the evening, I was utterly exhausted. For perspective, I typically clock an average of 8000 steps a day, but at this time, I was hitting over 20,000 with all I had going on.
My body would not even be fully on the couch yet, or my head settled on a pillow and it would begin. An instantaneous swarm of cats with the sole focus of finding a place to lie down next to me. Standing room only, more like lying room only. They literally could not wait to be with me and came at me from all directions until they were settled in, tucked in as close as they could get to me, where they stayed the entire night. Typically, I had five or six of them with me at any given time, and Shadow, our latest rescue of over three years who still hasn’t quite gotten into the groove of group snuggling, would sleep with Dan at night.
Crystal, snapped this photo of me sleeping with the cats on the couch.
I truly don’t know who benefited more: me, the cats, or Dan. For me, sharing their company was a blessed haven from the stresses of the day. For Dan, I think Shadow was enormously therapeutic. Somehow, he knew to be gentle and would lie next to Dan, settling in between his braces to provide him with some support and companionship, during what was often a very painful and sleepless night for him. For the cats with me, I think they were just so relieved to have me finally lie down, so I could give them my undivided attention before I fell asleep.
Shadow came to us with trust issues, probably abused as a kitten. He’s a rather solitary cat, so his bonding with Dan is all the more powerful, as it’s been a long road to get him to feel fully comfortable and safe.
Several months have now passed and things have gotten better. Dan has an incredible sense of resolve and has been relentless in his physical therapy and exercises. We’re not fully back to normal, and we might not ever be, but we’re getting closer. Dan can drive now. He can also sit on the couch again at night to watch TV with me. The cats haven’t missed a beat – just like it used to be, he’ll have a couple of cats on his lap, and I’ll have a few on mine.
During the morning and afternoon, Dan alternates between working from bed (or doing his exercises) to working remotely from his computer in the dining room where he can bend his knees now and sit in a chair! Jazmine has really taken to this routine and loves to keep him company when he’s in bed. She reports for morning duty which is comprised of looking out the window at birds, making biscuits, and napping. She’ll sometimes take a break to bring him a plush toy (accompanied by a loud, sweet chirping meow to alert the gift) and will stay with him for hours. Being that her role as nap cat is of utmost priority, Dan sees to it that she has extra-fluffy blankets ready and waiting for her!
Jazmine is the Queen of making biscuits!
I think what’s most fascinating about all this is the transition. Cats, which for millions of years before joining forces with humans and becoming domesticated, were solitary predators – silent, fast, and flexible. Dr. Bruce Kornreich, veterinary cardiologist, and director of the Cornell Feline Health Center in the College of Veterinary Medicine sums it up in the Netflix documentary, Inside the Mind of a Cat, “Genetics-wise, you basically have a wild animal living in your house and they’re much the same animal today.”
And he’s right. For example, if any of my cats happen to see something, such as a lizard or a bug cross their path, it’s instant feline stealth mode and a race against the clock for Dan or me to save the unwitting victim. It’s easy to picture the cat as if in the wilds of the jungle, albeit in the living room of your home.
Even in the comfort of our home, Zoey looks about 2-degrees away from being a wild jungle cat.
So, what’s the draw to the human lap (or being near a human lap), or the obsessive need for love and companionship? Well, it’s in the DNA. Cats are smart creatures, and they know how to seek out warm places. A cat’s normal body temperature is 101.0 to 102.5°F (38.3 to 39.2°C) which is higher than the normal human temperature of 98.6°F (37°C). This means our feline friends must put more effort into staying warm, so what better way than snuggling with a beloved human? Turn it into a pile of cats snuggled together, all the better!
But it’s more than that. According to Nicole LaForest, LVT, BSc, MPH for PetMD, “As predators, cats need a lot more rest than humans so they can remain alert and focused. They generally sleep between 12-16 hours a day and during these hours, a cat is at its most vulnerable. When your cat chooses your lap as their bed, it’s a testament to your bond.” It really is the ultimate feline compliment. They implicitly trust you and feel safe, loved, and secure. They can also feel comforted by your familiar scent and the softness of your clothes and blankets.
Feeling loved by Kizmet. Nothing beats the companionship of a feline friend at the end of a long day.
Whatever the reasons, I know the feelings are reciprocated. I feel safe, loved, secure, and protected from the trials and tribulations of the day by their being with me. And I know Dan feels the same way. His road to recovery has been difficult but having several feline caretakers to provide purrs of support has made a huge difference in his spirit.
With today being Memorial Day, I also want to pay tribute to all the men, women, bats, cats, dogs, dolphins, sea lions, horses, pigeons, pigs, rats, and more who have served on behalf of the freedoms, privileges, and safety of our country and loved ones. Thank you for your service from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you.
I had been feeling lousy for several days and waiting for my doctor to send an Rx to our pharmacy. The pain that traveled through my body like a freight train run amuck was very disturbing and I was running a low grade fever that caused my head to ache – something similar to a toothache.
After downing a pill to alleviate pain that the Rx my doctor ordered finally arrived. Aki, our blue- ticked tabby Oriental Shorthair crawled under the covers, that I believed was to help keep me warm. I often call him my “nurse cat” since I am dealing with a few chronic illnesses. I was feeling so grateful to Aki for taking care of me,so sweetly. I reached under the covers to thank him, petting him on the top of his head which he adores. BUT…I also was aware that he was licking his left paw over and over and jumping a little jump between lickings. I threw the blankets off to get a better look at Aki’s paw. It was hot and swollen and painful!. My husband Marty came into the room and told me that Aki had been sitting by the window and spied a large bug and was beating on the glass trying to get at the bug. BLAM!! He had injured his paw. Fortunately I keep a stash of a homeopathic pain medication, Traumeel, and I have a holistic veterinarian with whom I have the pleasure of contacting via text, and she agreed with giving it to Aki every hour which I did. He had curled up with me NOT to take care of me, which he usually does! He curled up to me skiing me to help him feel better. I am very happy to report that with the cold compress I added to the treatment along with the liquid Traumeel, he is back to his old self- swelling is gone and the pain is gone. However, he returned to his nursing role and has been keeping me warm.
Oh goodness, sweet Aki!! So glad he is up and well, and back to his nursing role. Take care – sending love and prayers your way.
So sorry to hear what a challenging time you’ve been through, Deb. So glad to hear things are getting better! We too have been through a long, difficult time, with me having had a health setback and my husband as caregiver. Our cats have been an enormous help to us both too. Many purrs from us for Dan’s further recovery.
My heart goes out to you and your husband, Leah. I’m sending love and healing purrs your way and am very glad you have such wonderful cat companions, too.
Empathizing 100% and very glad to read that your partner has come through his ordeal. I can well imagine the pain and stress he must have had, and you as well.
What would we do without our beloved Living Room Lions? 😉
Echoing your thoughts re: Memorial Day.
Thank you so much for your support, jmuhj. What would we do without our Living Room Lions (and Leopards!), indeed.
OMG Deb!! What an incredibly challenging (that word is putting it mildly) past few months you and Dan have endured!!!! With your working full time that had to be beyond exhausting. It sounds as if you thoughtfully and thoroughly were prepared for anything that Dan may have needed. Being a caretaker often is more stressful/challenging/exhausting than being the patient. I am sooooo glad to hear that Dan is well on his way to what I am praying is a full recovery and thank GOD for your furbabies offering much needed comfort and a respite from all of the stress around you. Continued prayers for both of you coming your way! xoxo
Thank you so much, Caren. You are right on so many levels and I appreciate your love, concern, prayers, and support.
WOW! Debbie we had NO idea of what happened to your Dan. Yes Life can change in the blink of an eye!
I learned that from 4th hubby Paul who one day was a fully functional man to become a C3-C4 Quadriplegic from a water accident.
Life changed all right.
You sound like an Angel Of Light for Dan. And Dan sounds like a very determined & brave man to REHAB so well.
An all your amazing Felines!!! Jazmine is utterly adorable. And Shadow spending his nights with dan was so poignant. Kizmet making sure you are all right…
All the Kitties rallying around every nite…..
AS sad as Dan’s situation was & in some ways is; you all rallied to care for each other!!
I chuckled @ Zoey’s photo as BellaDharma looks 2 degrees from Wildcat at any moment also!! Yet when I have a seizure she WILL now lie on her blanket on my bed. And do **purr therapy** & check on me.
Cats ARE truly amazing creatures. I can’t imagine Life without a 4 legged Feline in my Life.
Prayers & while light of healing from myself & ***purrss*** an POTP from BellaDharma
BellaSita Mum & BellaDharma <3 <3
BellaSita Mum & BellaDharma – thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comments!! You gave me a smile and I so appreicate your support.
Wow, Deb, what a tough time you and Dan have had. That is wonderful that his daughter could come to help. Cats are amazingly comforting creatures. Through various surgeries and injuries, I have always been able to count on at least some of the gang to be constant companions. And even when we are okay, they seek us out. The last few nights have found six to seven in bed with us. We went away for a few days, which now means we MUST make ourselves even more available than usual. I am sending lots of prayers to Dan that his healing continues, and he is eventually back to his pre-injury self. Hugs, Janet
XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, angel Mauricio, Misty May, angel Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy, Sawyer, Kizmet, Audrey & Raleigh
Kitties Blue. So very true, even when we are okay, they do seek us out. It’s just all the more special when when they seem to know we need extra love and purrs.
Deb, sending best fishes, and get well wishes to Dan. I hope he makes
a full recovery, with his resolve, he will, it will just take a bit of time. slow
and steady wins the race as the old saying goes; it would be awful if he gained
20 steps ahead, only to fall back 50, because of a rushed procedure or
treatment plan. take care of yourself as well; the caregiver can’t “care” if
they’ve ( pooped out ) from exhaustion. prays to you both. Laura
hi to the crew from daisy and mackerull ?❤️
Thank you, Laura. Totally agree, and we are doing our best to always keep things in check so that there are no setbacks to all his hard work toward recovery. Warm purrs to you and your gang.
My goodness, I’m so sorry for all that you and Dan have been going through but I’m glad to see that Dan is making so much progress. Hugs from all of us Deb.
Thank you so much for the hugs, Brian.
Glad your husband is improving. Cats are the best and always know when we need them most.
Thank you, Ellen.
Oh Deb, I’m so sorry to hear this! I can’t even imagine what a difficult time this has been for you and Dan. I’m sending lots of love, hugs and healing energy to both of you!
Thank you so much for the love, hugs, and healing energy, Ingrid.
Oh Deb I am so sorry. I share your journey having went through something similar with mom you had surgery on her brain in December. We had no idea the recovery would take so long. But thankfully she’s back to normal. Dan is strong and with his determination he’ll make it back too.
Bless you for your patience and loving caretaking of the entire family.
Thank you so much, Christine. I’m glad to hear your mom is doing better, how very scary that must have been!
Wow. I’m so sorry to hear about Dan’s accident and the difficult times that followed for all of you, Deb. I’m glad to hear things are getting better and that Dan is recovering. Thank you for your sharing all that has happened, and your deep and insightful thoughts. Sendking love, purrs and prayers for continued healing, and for strength and endurance, too.
Thank you for your kind words, meowmeowmans, and for the love, purrs and prayers for continued healing, and for strength and endurance, too.