Lessons Learned
Crocheting with my beautiful Zoey on my outstretched legs
If there is any one more beloved in the cat blogosphere than Mr. Puddy, I would be quite surprised. I do not think there is a single person in my circle of human and feline friends who does not know who this handsome tuxedo kitty is. So, when I stopped by his blog the other day, I was quite taken aback and moved by the very courageous and honest post he did about his human Mom and her addiction to the computer that was affecting him adversely.
Apparently Puddy had been feeling neglected and decided to communicate very clearly to his human that she needed to take a break from the computer and spend more time interacting with him and the family. Mr. Puddy gave his Mom quite a scare when he stayed outside MUCH longer than normal and the time he was away caused her a profound moment of reflection. She said out loud what so many of us bloggers seem to be communicating as of late – it is not always possible to keep up with the fast pace relationship of maintaining a blog and a readership. And for many of us, sometimes it is more than one blog. Or, it is a blog, a full time job, and a book as in my case.
Well, again, those of you that know Mr. Puddy, know that his fan base is HUGE and it turns out that Puddy’s Mom was wearing herself out trying to visit each and every blog she wanted to every day and leave comments. I only have a fraction of the readers Puddy has and I find it nearly impossible to keep up with it in a satisfactory manner. We all want to be able to interact and comment with all of our blogging buddies, grow our fan base, and create numerous clever posts several times a week, but it really is not always possible. We have to forgive ourselves and move on with our lives and understand that it is okay if we don’t always have the time to participate like we want to. We have to be kinder to ourselves. We have to have the courage like Mr. Puddy’s Mom did to understand that sometimes you just have to step back a bit and walk away for a while. I greatly admire her for that and I applaud Mr. Puddy for letting his human know how important she is to him and how much he missed her. Cats are extraordinary teachers and communicators, we as humans just have to take the time to actually listen to what they are saying to us.
So, as the holiday season quickly descends upon us, which is stressful enough in and of itself, we need to learn from Mr. Puddy’s wise message that we can’t do it all and that it is okay that we can’t do it all. The world will continue to revolve on its axis if we take a break now and then for ourselves and our families. And trust me, I am at the top of the list of those that needs to learn from Mr. Puddy. I say that I want to step back and change, but I know it is not as easy as that. If I could have a dime for every time I obsessively hit “refresh” on facebook, or “send and receive” on my emails, I could retire wealthy right now. But, I am proud of myself. I promised myself I would spend more time outside with my neglected garden and I am very happy to say I did walk away from my computer to spend a few hours outside weeding and pruning over the weekend…
You will note I have shared a photo of myself and Zoey. Truthfully, I don’t like the picture at all visually (of myself). I look terrible, my hair is awful, and I need a major dose of makeup. But, emotionally and spiritually, this is one of the most telling and special pictures I have captured in time. My happiest moments in life are those that are shared in its simplest sense. I adore my time with Zoey and she adores her time with me. Without fail, she will patiently wait for my day to end – I am home from work, the dinner dishes are done and I finally turn the computer off and sit on the couch for an hour or so with Dan before bedtime. She finds the crook of my legs and settles herself in, like that last piece that completes a puzzle. She is blissfully content and so am I. This, dear Puddy, is what is all about and I will always remember your post in the spirit it was written.
Beautiful post – and beautiful photo. It’s the kind of photo that reminds us what really matters in life. To paraphrase a frequently circulated saying about nobody ever wishing they’d spent more time at the office when they die, at the end of the day, are you going to wish you’d spent more time visiting just one more blog, or are you going to wish you’d spent more time with your cats?
It’s all about making choices. I actually have a post scheduled for tomorrow that also addresses this topic.
Thank you Ingrid – if you will recall an email communication between us, that photo was taken before I dropped my crochet hook on the floor and could not reach it without disturbing Zoey. I chose to leave the crochet hook on the floor while I watched TV for another hour without doing a thing…. it was an odd sensation for me. I’m not good with “free time,” but, yes, spending time with my cats far outweighs anything else. This topic really seems to be hitting home with people lately – your post last weekend on the Maple Tree is a perfect example and I applaud you for making the choice to revel in the beauty of that stunning tree. Can’t wait to read tomorrow’s post you have scheduled!
Oh Deb, what an eloquent post, so ‘from the heart’ and ‘pregnant’ with depth and the meaning of life. Both you, and Ingrid, with your blogs and books and tours etc are much more busy than I, but I too go through the same processes and thoughts and from the evidence in these posts of late, so do many bloggers.
Now that I am not breeding and only have 4 cats who demand attention, I am finding I am spending more ‘sit down’ time with them (and for me, that is hard to do too, as I tend to not ‘settle’ for long before jumping up to do a ‘chore’ and hahameow, I said, Oh yes that’s me, too when I read your words about obsessive ‘refreshing’ and checking for emails…silly!
Fall is my favorite time of year in Virginia and I have just starting walking again (see osteoporosis post, sigh) and am heading out now to do just that, and I plan on taking a nap with the cats this afternoon, too!
Teri – thank you for taking the time to write such a heartfelt post… it seems we all are caught up in the “catch 22” of life – technology is supposed to make our lives easier and more convenient, yet I feel it truly has made us more stressed out as we struggle to keep up with it all. I love Virginia in fall – enjoy your days and good for you, a nap with the kitties too!!!
Funny, I really like the photo. It’s honest and real and I can appreciate that.
I, too, have been suffering from the guilts over the blogging v. the rest of my life thing. I had to take a hard look around and decide what blogging meant to me. I started my blog for fun, but it stopped feeling like fun when I got all caught up in “building readers” or “expanding my reach” and started feeling more like an obligation — to readers and followers, to staying on top of the blogs of every person who ever left a comment, to making sure I had something ready to go for every hop or special event, so I had to make some decisions. I’m still committed to writing and to following those blogs (like yours) that I truly enjoy, but if I end up with only twelve people reading my blog, it’s all good, because I’ll take the twelve who may become really special people in my life over 1,200 readers whom I can’t be real with.
Thanks for the post (and letting me add my little piece here). The crochet work is beautiful. I’ve been contemplating picking up the needles again myself 🙂
Vicky – I know you have been struggling as of late and I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and share your feelings. It’s ironic, I wrote the book and started the blog due to my pure love for the feline species. It was never intended to be a chore – I wrote what I felt was a great story that I wanted to share with the world. When my life started to become consumed iwth readership and I literally started feeling chest pains from internal stress, I knew I had to step back a bit. I agree with you Vicky – I certainly don’t want to give up my blog. I love it and all the wonderful people it has brought into my life. There is a special core of friends that mean the world to me and I completely understand what you are saying. It’s just that we have to be realistic with ourselves… I am glad that this post is getting peope to think. We all have so much more in common than we sometimes realize.
As far as the crocheting, for me, it just goes hand in hand with cats! I have been a crocheter my whole life and it just seems to instantly “center me” when the world is getting to be a bit too much to handle!!
What a terrific post (and a beautiful photo too)! I need to remind mom to stop her work and pay more attention to us! We pets make like so worthwhile, so take the time to chill w/us, I say!
Thank you Prudence – I hope your Mom does stop for a bit to give you some more attention!! You pets rock and I think maybe we need to declare November 12th moving forward, official “Stay off your computer and be with your pets day!!!”
I totally agree with everyone. I make myself get up every hour and play with the cats or go outside and take the dogs for a walk or do some chores. That cats do not let me leave them alone. They are either in my lap or on the table next to me or crying to come in the house. I couldn’t see any reason to have the cats and dogs if I didn’t spend some really nice time with them.I do spend too much time on the computer but you have to admit that is for their benefit too. You are selling books, I am trying to find homes for the poor animals that don’t have homes.There is nothing wrong with selling books etc. so I am not saying that. Anyway, great post and very heart felt. I love Mr. Puddy too.
Marg – thankfully my cats are the same way. They truly are never without attention, because they are content to be with me, where ever that might be at the moment (usually in front of the computer). And yes, for many of us, our blogs are for a much greater purpose, especially for you Marg. These animals desparately need your help and you are a Godsend. We just have to figure out how to balance our time better so that our computers do not completely overrun our lives!! 🙂
A lovely post
Thank you Kate!
I think the photo is beautiful. Where you see imperfections, I see honesty, tenderness, love and togetherness.
For bloggers who have a large following, I’m sure it can get overwhelming quickly to try to visit everyone as much as one would like. (I wouldn’t know as I seem to be blogging in relative secrecy, MOL). Sometimes I think I would love to have more readers, but then, it’s a bit of a double edged sword. isn’t it? I like to visit those who visit me, and with a large following I would not have enough hours in the day.
Thank you for the kind words Julia – that is another lesson us humans could learn. We tend to focus so much on the physical, that we forget the beauty that radiates from the inside.
As far as the bloggers, I agree, it is a double edged sword! I remember when I first started blogging – it was like my target readership was crickets…. lots and lots of silence!! So, yes, I would like more fans, but I don’t think I could possibly devote the proper time to them either…
i think the photo is wonderful, and I so imagine you and Zoey just like that with. comfy and happy all around. And that Mr Puddy, he is every bit as wise as he is handsome. Have a snuggly weekend!
What a wonderful comment Brian – that you for that. And we agree, it doesn’t get much better than Mr. Puddy!!
OMC !!! Thanks so much to write about me !!!!
It’s been honor !!! I just want to tell mom who is the Boss and I’m her priority one…tee..heh
We still love to visit our friends, but we just can’t keep up to every blogs in every day post. Me and mom love all of them, We didn’t give up on them, but mom just need to organize the time for all of us. and Family come first !
I’m an indoor/outdoor kitty so mom can help me visit friends when I’m outside but she need to organize her time for me and family when I am home ! ! !
I know all blogger friends over a year now. I still love to know what is going on with their life. I guess because we love each others so much. Without Visiting and making a comment, how you can know your friends ? Cat Blog is different from other type of blog. We have life ! and we develop relationships ! and I love that : ), It’s Just mom ‘s problem , she have to organize the time ! and so far so good ! now I think she find the balance of blogging and life : )
Hugs
xoxo
PS : Love the photo Deb : )
I’m glad you are okay I wrote the post about you Mr. Puddy! You are just so smart, that I really wanted to share your message with other humans that might need help understanding that it is okay to not always go to every blog every day and post comments. You are so right, us cat bloggers are special people and we do care what is going on with each other!! We have met so many wonderful people because of the blogs and I would not trade that for anything!! Like you said, us humans just need to learn to balance and organize time better so that our kitties are always the number one priority!! We love you so much Puddy! Thanks for dropping by to write such a nice comment for us!! xoxo
I have a list of blogs that I try to keep up with, but I seldom get to leave comments as often as I’d like. I think we need to not feel guilty about that. I know I only get comments on about 10% of the hits my blog gets, and that’s what I’ve come to expect. I manage to comment about 15% of the time, and try to spread them out. Comment on different blogs each day. I wish it could be more, but that’s all I can manage. But I am reading!
I agree with you Pumpkin – we just have to try as best we can, but it does not help to feel guilty, as it seems we are all in the same boat! It is very reassuring to know that this seems to be a common issue that we all face as cat bloggers and we are not alone in our feelings!
I agree totally with what you have written, Deb and also all the comments. I started blogging to write down amusing anecdotes and for a couple of years I didn’t bother with finding readers. I was able to enjoy the writing process and hone my skills. I have found that when I am concerned about “followers” and the number of hits on my site, I lose what it is supposed to be all about. Mr Puddy and his mom have highlighted a very important issue here. Let’s hope we can all learn the lesson and be the better for it. xox
Carolyn – I really hope we do learn lessons from Mr. Puddy. I know for me personally, I used to check my stats all the time. I have long since stopped doing that and instead try to concentrate on getting a few key things done each day. I’m still Deb Barnes with seven cats whether I have 20 followers or 200. Peace of mind and quality of content remain high at the top of my list of priorities and it is beginning to sink in that I need to slow down (a lesson I preached in my book) to take the time to enjoy what is around me. xoxo
Deb as everyone above me has mentioned, as always this was eloquently and beautifully stated and TRUE.
I am glad you read my comment on Ingrid’s blog because I was taking a break myself and wouldn’t have known that you posted this til possibly a few days from now.
My self-imposed “break” this weekend by no means cured all that is ailing me in reference to my stress level with blogging and reading/commenting on others blogs but it certainly helped.
As Puddy’s Mom said in the comments, the double-edged sword is we need a break but how do we know what is going on with our friends that we love (like you) if we aren’t reading their blogs? This is the quandary I am facing on a daily basis. Even if you don’t read and then try to catch up that just causes the same problem again. Sadly, I have realized there are many posts I will just have to skip entirely for the time being.
I am blessed to have a healthy following on Cat Chat, Dakota’s blog being new has a small following but extremely loyal and interactive followers and the stress comes from feeling that I have to reply AND of course keep up with them to thank them for taking the time to visit.
One day I will figure it all out.
xoxoxo
Caren – the message is coming in loud and clear – we all seem to have the same dilema we are struggling with. In some ways, by bringing this out in the open and talking about it more, it makes me feel better that I am not alone in these cirmcumstances. All we can do is try our best, but at least not beat ourselves up mentally if we can’t always be “Super Woman.” I know for me, when I factor in how much time I spend cleaning up cat vomit, vacuuming cat hair, and scooping litter, it leaves me little time for anything else!! When you figure it out, give me a holler so I can learn from your wise ways!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
I’m so glad you wrote about this, Deb. At one time I was working, writing my blog, working on other assorted projects and raising two teenagers. I nearly had a panic attack trying to keep up with all the blogs. I finally just had to stop worrying. Now I visit when I have time to visit and I sure don’t expect all my blogging friends to visit me every day. Self-care is so important and we have to be gentle with ourselves. I love the photo of you because it’s real and has a very peaceful vibe. It’s a good reminder for me…especially today when I feel like my plate is more than full.
Thanks for the thoughtful post!
Thank you for your honest reply Angie. I too was nearing a panic attack and was about to land myself in a hospital with the stress level I was creating for myself. Always rushing towards some sort of elusive deadline…. for who, I really don’t know anymore. Certainly the demands I was creating for myself were self imposed, afterall, unless you are blogging for someone else who is paying you to do it, you do have the luxury of creating your own schedule. As far as the picture, the more I look at it, the more I like it. It really does symbolize the crux of my message and I am glad it has given you a moment to pause, reflect, and remember that time for you is important!
Since August my human has been doing that. While she hopes to maintain the blog more creatively after the next move and get back to our regular posts she is not planning on visiting as much. Now on Sunday when there is lots to do she is no longer rushing to read all the blogs that she can. Her question to herself came, if the only reason people are reading her is because she reads them, is that really a person interested in what she has to say? So she has backed off and hopes to create some interesting reading for other cats, who may not care if she can’t get to their blog one day. Six years ago when we started, it was possible to read every blog because there were so many fewer people. Now the Woman almost dreads learning about new blogs that she likes.
From a writer’s perspective, it also helps that when you get a sudden influx of blogger comments that you know you’ve done something. This kind of post fosters a lot of discussion and perhaps the comments add fuel to yet another post and so on–this goes viral and your fan base climbs.
As for socializing, I know that I can only keep up with a handful of close friends in real life–I’m not sure why I’d expect that I’d be able to do that online. It’s one great thing about places like the CB, where I can read quickly and see if something really important is going on. Even after a trip, we always read headlines in the reader to make sure we haven’t missed a crisis. Of course, there are some cats and bloggers that we know personally and are far more likely to give a slightly closer read but on really tired days, even that has to wait. Cat blogging should enhance our lives and be fun. When it becomes a chore, perhaps it isn’t such a great thing after all.
Very interesting point Cheysuli – if we are writing and commenting solely because we feel obligated and not genuinely intrigued by the content, then what is it really about? In my opinion, I have written some great posts that have gotten barely a ripple of attention. But you post a picture of a cat with it’s tummy showing and you get all sorts of comments. But, that is another topic all together – as you said, these kind of posts inspire other posts and so on and so on. I will admit that lately my blogging was becoming a chore. That was NOT what I intended or wanted. With the help of Mr. Puddy, that’s when I went through my own personal wake up call. I am happy to say I feel much better about myself and the direction I am going in. I love to write and it is nice to feel that joy again.
Kokoro’s mum (Michele Tilford I posted this on FB, but I’ll re do it here:
I think it’s “quite excellent” (to go all 80’s here) that you, Deb, have brought this topic up. While I have always spent any where from 2 to 5 hours a day on line, as time as past I realize all time spent on line is not equal.
While I would love to read and comment on every one’s blog, it just isn’t possible for me to do that and create original material, and have a life. I’m sure most people would agree.
This is not to say, that I don’t at least try to drop in and keep abreast of what is going on in our community. I do have my favs. Really when you think about it. Professional bloggers, generally stick to writing, follow few and that’s that. I know that sounds harsh, but if you’re good at your craft, you turn out original interesting material, your readers will come. It takes time. I’ve found that actually engaging with your families, animals, just sitting in your car, on a bench, at a cafe observing life around you, provides one with that material to creates those interesting blogs. ( I also need to read, views things that are not, frankly cat related. Mostly because if I stay in the cat realm I’m in danger of not being original. I get some of my best ideas from odd places.)
Of course I’m so lucky, because I get to take Koko with me!
~^._.^~
A few seconds ago · Like
Hi Michele! Nice to have you drop by and share your insights! Very good point indeed, not all time spent on line is equal. That is another reflection of the times we live in today. Cursive writing is about to be abolished, our children write in some sort of abbreviated language and newspapers and magazines are all but extinct… Hmmmm…. I sound like Andy Rooney reincarnated! I agree with you as far as inspiration, sometimes it is a very good idea to step outside of the cat arena for a fresh perspective on life. It’s like the concept of the Seinfeld show – sometimes life’s best material comes from nothing at all! That is when creative writing is truly at its best!
Oh boy..do I know how you and Mr Puddy’s mom feel. I had a forced break two weeks ago when we were hit by a snowstorm and lost power for over a week. I struggle with keeping the blog fresh. I’ve been blogging for over 5 years and it cuts into my ability to do paying work, but this is the work I love doing most. It’s a very difficult situation. I LOVE my readers and appreciate them so very much, but I know they will go elsewhere when someone captures their attention if I don’t keep my posts coming along.
I wish I had a solution. Certainly if we had a salary we could dive in with ease, but it doesn’t feel right to make money doing this, either. I’m definitely at a crossroads.
I hope you sort it out. I hope Mr P’s mama does, too…I feel like all of us cat bloggers could use a hug right now. Here’s one for you {{{{HUGS}}}}
🙂
Robin – I love your comment and think your idea is the best of all – a massive group hug is in order for all us cat bloggers who can relate so strongly to this dilema!! One thing sure is clear, we love our blogs and our blogging friends so much. I feel my life has become so much richer and complete with the wonderful people I have been meeting the past couple of years – but just how do you maintain it all, that is the big question.
Our server crashed at work and we have been without the Internet for nearly two weeks as well – I was thinking of you Robin – I found that in some ways, it was delightfully refreshing being out of touch with the world, in other ways, it was like being crippled and put into solitary confinement!!
I would hope that people who tune into a given blog would know that an individual reply is not always possible and a lack of it is not personal. I don’t have anywhere close to the readership of you or Mr. Puddy, so this is easy for me to say right now and I’m able to answer questions in multiples so it works out for me. My issue is always how to respond quickly.
By the way, what you working on? I have two baby outfits, two baby blankets and afghan and two scarves to finish before Christmas!!!
Hi CHo Meir – thank you for stopping by today. Responding quickly is not always easy, especially if you moderate your comments. Many times I am at work, and it is just not possible to respond in a timely manner. I imagine this is true for lots of bloggers! Right now I am working on an afghan for my office. It will serve no other purpose, other than to look pretty! It is a sunflower motiff with beautiful rich blues, greens, burgandies, and cornflower yellow! You are certainly busy with the yarn projects! Have fun!
Deb, just popping in again to say I think this has been a brilliant conversation. I have really appreciated reading what everyone has said. I think many of us have established enough of a relationship now that we don’t have to worry so much about what others might think if we don’t pop up in comments on every post.
Well done again for speaking out Mr P’s mom and for taking up the baton, Deb!
Thanks Caro – I definately hit a nerve with people. But, I knew in my heart that if I was feeling it, so were others. I guess I am the Norma Rae of the cat world at the moment! I think you are blessedly right – we have established quite good relationships with one another, so we can afford to be kinder to each other! I certainly hope so anyhow!! xoxo
Deb, everyone has to understand those Sunday morning crochet photos with cats on our laps! I’d have been just as guilty of the need-makeup-and-coiffure in mine from my post about Cookie a couple of months ago if there had been anyone around to photograph me; instead, I just photographed my lap as best as possible. But the message was the same–take the time, it’s an important part of the journey.
A friend of mine complimented me on my daily photo blog telling me she’d “like” and comment every day because she likes them all, but she wants to save it for one that’s really moving. I thanked her–how else would I know when “I done good”?
I know it’s a good idea to comment on other blogs for many reasons–a dialogue between you and that blog’s owner plus others who visit and also find you. But sometimes I feel I’m creating work for the blog owner because after all we should be good hosts and return the favor when someone visits and comments. But realistically those of us with multiple responsibilities can’t do this, and that’s okay, we do what we can, and that makes it more meaningful.
Can’t wait to write up the review of your book!
Bernadette – as usual, a wonderful, insightful, and concise analogy of the situation at hand. I do my best to save a certain part of the week to do my “socializing” with other blogs. I used to stay up late every night of the week, commenting to everyone who commented to me, plus trying to generate new readership. I still try to do that to some extent, but now I am much more selective and I really try to let myself do other things. It’s a work in progress – I don’t always practice what I preach, but I’m trying. And I can assure you, if Zoey wants my outstretched legs, she will take precedence over everything else. That much I have learned – if my cats take the time to seek me out, it is becasue they want to share my company. That is a gift and I truly realize that. The photo, despite the lack of makeup, does speak volumes.
Thanks for popping by and I am looking forward to the review!
I get where this post is coming from, too. I have a full-time job plus a paid blogging gig AND writing Paws and Effect every week. And even when I’m not blogging, I spend a lot of time online checking other people’s blogs, Facebook, and looking at job postings in Seattle (where I’m planning to move) … it takes a lot of time!
I’ve had reason to look at this more deeply because I’ve been without internet service at home since last Thursday, so that means I’ve had to do my online work at a coffee shop and, when the coffee shop is closed, live without internet access at home. Without spending so much time online, I’ve been able to be more productive with other things, spend more time with my kitties, and get more exercise–something I desperately need to do.
It’s a tough thing, this balance between work and play, and it’s made tougher by the fact that I really like my work and want to do it! Thanks for writing this.
By the way, have I mentioned that I think your blog design is absolutely beautiful? I honestly thought you were my toughest competition in the Best Designed Blog category at the Petties because I know your blog looks nicer than mine! 🙂
It’s very interesting JaneA – Robin has been without power for a couple of weeks and I have been without a computer at work for a couple weeks because the server crashed. You really do tend to re-evaluate what is important as you realize that you can live without the Internet. I’m not saying I would want that to be a permanent situation – the Internet is invaluable to us, but it is like when we were kids – playing board games with the family instead of watching TV or sitting in front of the computer. There is something wonderful about that and I find that I am much more relaxed when I am not completely glued to the computer. I think this post really opened up a fascinating subject that is far deeper than we realize – I think the world at large is caught up in this dilemma and we just don’t know how to ground ourselves back to simpler times.
Thank you for your compliments on my blog design as well! Coming from you, that means a lot to me!!