{"id":13014,"date":"2014-08-02T04:50:21","date_gmt":"2014-08-02T08:50:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/?p=13014"},"modified":"2014-08-02T10:54:22","modified_gmt":"2014-08-02T14:54:22","slug":"a-footnote-to-cats-and-how-grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet-has-changed-as-a-result-of-social-media","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/a-footnote-to-cats-and-how-grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet-has-changed-as-a-result-of-social-media\/","title":{"rendered":"A Footnote to Cats and How Grieving the Loss of a Pet has Changed as a Result of Social Media"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"IMG_0757\"<\/a>

No matter the day or age, this is always me. I love cats and I have always been surrounded by their love and companionship.<\/p><\/div>\n

Since I am over 50 years old and I have been a cat lover my whole life, clearly I have had to say goodbye to many a beloved pet cat in that time-frame. It is never easy, but years ago when I was regular ole Deb Barnes, a person who was living her life that did not including blogging and social media, the grieving process was very different.<\/p>\n

The loss would always hurt, but the pain was very private \u2013 I would typically write a special love note to the pet I lost and tuck it with them as a tribute from me to let them know how much I loved them and then the pet would be buried in the yard of wherever I was living at the time. The grieving stayed in a very limited circle \u2013 a few close family members and friends would know about the death and I would mourn in my own private world with very little fanfare.<\/p>\n

\"Kit<\/a>

This is my beloved Kit and for those of you that read The Chronicles of Zee & Zoey, you know that she held a very dear spot in my heart. She lived a wonderful life – 18 full years and this windowsill was her favorite spot because she loved to look outside. After she passed, we buried her in the backyard and I still go and visit with her now and then.<\/p><\/div>\n

Now, because my life is a relative open book (something of my choosing \u2013 I am not complaining, but merely pointing out a fact) the grieving process is entirely different. My cats, just like so many other cats that are shared in the social world, have become cherished friends to a multitude of people. Because of that, when Mr. Jazz passed away last year and Harley died last month, you all felt my pain because you care about me and my feline family, and as a result, you showered me with love, support, concern, empathy, and kindness.<\/p>\n

While I appreciate the support immensely, as it has helped my healing process and given me the resolve to go on, it also keeps the pain much more visible because social media causes me to constantly relive my loss. There is rarely a day that goes by that someone doesn’t share the news of a beloved pet crossing to the Rainbow Bridge on whatever social platform and it is impossible for me not to be overwhelmed with grief by that news \u2013 number one because I am profoundly sad on their behalf, and number two, because it brings my own pain back to the surface.<\/p>\n

The same holds true when I write a blog post about my feline family. Because I cannot ignore the fact Jazz and Harley are no longer a part of my physical world, I am no longer able to live in my preferred world of denial\u2026 the one where Jazz and Harley really aren’t gone even though deep down I know they are. I have to face reality through my words and when I look for pictures to compliment my posts, I cannot avoid seeing dozens of pictures of them, something that I never had to deal with when I grieved years ago.<\/p>\n

\"Deb<\/a>

This was my first picture of Harley and I back in 2004 when I got her. I never imagined 10 years later that she would be gone…<\/p><\/div>\n

For me, just like everything else in life, it\u2019s a matter of readjusting my mindset to the new world we live in and I just take it one day at a time, letting my heart haphazardly lead the way. I have no guidelines as to how, why, when, or where I share my grief with you all \u2013 I just let it happen as it may. Some people share the news of a pets passing immediately, and for me, when Jazz and Harley passed, it took me several days before I could share the news publicly.<\/p>\n

And then all the little things – you will note on my blog that I have a memorial badge prominently displayed on the right hand side in tribute to Mr. Jazz. I put it up relatively quickly after he passed, but I have not been able to do the same for Harley yet. I also have Jazz\u2019s ashes sitting on the top shelve of our TV stand in a pretty wooden box and the same tribute picture graces that box. Harley\u2019s ashes are next to Jazz and her box remains bare. I finally found the wherewithal last weekend to put a silk sunflower next to it, but that is the extent of it. I just can\u2019t deal with the finality of it and the majority of the time I just ignore her box because looking at it causes me too much pain.<\/p>\n

\"Jazz-memory\"<\/a>

My beautiful Mr. Jazz… this picture memorializes the wooden box his ashes are kept in.<\/p><\/div>\n

And even though I was able to memorialize Jazz on my blog with a badge, I could not do it anywhere else for the longest time. It took me 6 months before I could acknowledge his passing on my Facebook page for Zee and Zoey. I decided out of the blue one day that I needed to put a halo over his banner picture to signify his angel status and now, of course, I will have to do the same for Harley when I am ready. All of these little acts that might seem insignificant in the scheme of things, but they are milestone moments for me because I just can\u2019t treat the process of my grief like something on a \u201cto-do\u201d check off list.<\/p>\n

\"facebook<\/a>

This is the banner for Zee and Zoey’s Facebook page… For the longest time I left it as it was and did not have the heart to put a halo over Jazz’s picture. Now I have to do it for Harley…<\/p><\/div>\n

In light of all of that, I did take a major step towards healing that took me by surprise. After putting it off for ages, I finally reached out to my blog designer to update Zee and Zoey\u2019s blog footer that was created back in September of 2010 when the blog was launched and featured my original gang of seven. A lot had changed since then and it just came to me one day that I wanted the footer to reflect my life in the present tense. So, if you will please scroll down to the bottom of the blog, you will see my beautiful feline family as it is now (if you don\u2019t see any changes, just refresh your browser).<\/p>\n

\"cats2-bkg\"<\/a>

Harley, Jazz, Zee, Zoey, Peanut, Mia, and Rolz.<\/p><\/div>\n

You will note that I kept the pictures of the original gang the same as they were in 2010 and then I had halos added for my precious angels, Jazz and Harley. You will also note that best buddies, Kizmet and Jazmine, are standing next to each other. This header is extremely poignant for me \u2013 despite the pain and heartache it causes me, there is also so much love and this image just reaffirms how much joy these incredible creatures have brought (and bring) to me. I still am not ready to look at it for too long as it does make me extremely emotional, but I do hope you all like it.<\/p>\n

What about all of you \u2013 do you find you grieve differently as a result of social media than you did years ago? How do you handle it? Are you affected by seeing the loss of other pets on social venues on a regular basis? Please feel free to share your comments.<\/p>\n

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Since I am over 50 years old and I have been a cat lover my whole life, clearly I have had to say goodbye to many a beloved pet cat in that time-frame. It is never easy, but years ago when I was regular ole Deb Barnes, a person who was living her life that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13015,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,3],"tags":[330,1265,676,86,680,671,37,865],"class_list":["post-13014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general-blogging-writing","category-inspiration-healing","tag-blogging-2","tag-cats","tag-grieving","tag-harley","tag-mr-jazz","tag-pet-loss","tag-rainbow-bridge","tag-social-media"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/IMG_0757.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13014","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13014"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13014\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13033,"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13014\/revisions\/13033"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13015"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13014"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13014"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zeezoey.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13014"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}