Zoey is actually a very sweet and loving cat…but only if it’s on her terms! No surprise hugging, thank you very much!

June 4th was National Hug Your Cat Day and while it’s a day I rejoice in theory, after all, who doesn’t want to smother their precious kitty with hugs and kisses in a loving embrace, let’s be honest – not all cats like to be hugged. I’ve got seven cats – each with a completely different personality – so it’s pretty easy to substantiate my claim. They run the full gamut – from Peanut who I jokingly refer to as my Robert Palmer cat – she’s addicted to love – to my Zoey who becomes so horrified at the prospect of a hug, if I dare attempt one, she’ll recoil her body like a twisted pretzel and push away from me with such force, you’d think I was holding her down to immerse her in a tub of hot water (but mind you, on her terms, she’s the same cat who sticks to me like glue when I settle on the couch at night to watch TV).

Most fascinating, however, is Rolz. He’s what I refer to as my “T.M.B.S.” cat. Meaning he’ll patiently hang out at all hours on the kitchen counter next to the pantry where we keep the cat food, because “there might be something,” i.e., an opportunity for something to eat and he needs to ensure he’ll never, ever miss that chance. Never mind that he gets three meals a day and is in no way, shape, or form, starving.

I can possibly give him a relatively quick pat prior to giving him food, because yes, his eternal patience always does yield a yummy reward from me, but if I attempt to hold him, or give him extended pats, his body shivers in complete abhorrence—he’s a “you can look, but don’t touch” type of cat and his body literally seems to melt into a pool of liquid cat if I try to impart any sort of physical contact.

While the others nap the day away, Rolz patiently mans his station in hopes of securing an elusive scrap of food or kitty treat!

Like me, I’m sure many of you know enough to take it in stride, but unfortunately, the amount of affection a cat will, or will not allow is often the subject of much debate with cat guardians, and not always in a positive way. Many people wish they had a cat that was more loving – one that would snuggle on their lap, for example, and some cats are even brought to shelters because they aren’t lap cats. It’s a key topic in my Makin’ Biscuits book because it’s such an important aspect of basic cat behavior and I discuss it in detail in the chapter “You Can Pet Me, Just Don’t Touch Me.”

Just like people, cats have different personalities and levels of tolerance for physical attention. That’s why one minute all may seem well, and the next the claws could come out. But just because your cat might not seem friendly, or she lashes out at you, doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate your company. You just need to recognize the unique signs of feline love she’s giving you and respect the boundaries she’s setting at that particular moment.

Mia is not a fan of being held, but she does like to greet anyone who enters whatever room she’s in with a cheerful meow greeting of hello!

For example, following you from room to room like a loyal puppy dog, sleeping next to your computer while you’re doing whatever, or meowing a greeting of hello when you come into a room – all of these are ways she’s letting you know you’re okay in her mind. Or a gift dropped at your feet – you might not be too keen on the live ones, but it’s your cat’s way of saying, “look what I’ve done, aren’t you proud of me, oh, and by the way, I like you!”

But if you aggressively chase her for attention or unintentionally provoke her, if she feels threatened, she’ll react.She doesn’t mean to be mean; it’s just instinctual for her. Follow her lead and work with positive reinforcement. Talk in gentle tones and focus on petting her in small doses and in areas she’ll tolerate. For example, most cats aren’t fans of tummy rubs, so why tease her, no matter how adorable and fluffy her tummy is.

A cat that doesn’t tolerate petting might enjoy some gentle grooming with a brush—not only will it reduce hairballs; it feels good to her and can strengthen your bond. Cats are also drawn to soft blankets and pillows. Try placing one next to you when you sit on the couch, maybe she doesn’t want to snuggle on your lap, but she might not mind settling next to you.

Interactive play can also be fun for both of you—a wand toy with feathers typically entices most any cat. Or a healthy and yummy snack—there are very few cats that won’t turn on the charm for a tasty morsel, allowing you to be her BFF for at least a few minutes. If you establish a daily routine with these types of efforts, it shouldn’t take long before she associates you with good things.

Keep in mind as well your cat comes with history, especially if you found her as a stray or adopted her from a shelter. You don’t always know what kind of life she had and much of her behavior will be triggered by situations from her past. Current circumstances will also dictate what she’ll tolerate—if she just had an altercation with another pet, or has perhaps been startled by something outside, or is wary of visiting company, or whatever else out of her perceived norm, it’s not the time to be experimenting with hugs.

Kizmet had just been introduced to a dog for the first time. His dilated pupils are telling me now is not the time to be picking him up.

If she’s growling, hissing or spitting, with flat, backward ears, dilated pupils, and a twitching or waving tail, she’s telling you to leave her alone. She’s annoyed, frightened, or angry and might become aggressive—this is also not the time to be picking her up. The same if she becomes a “Halloween” cat—ears back and flat against his head, whiskers back, back arched, fur standing on end and tail erect or low.

But if she’s arching her back up to meet your hand when you pet her, with her fur flat, and her tail high, proud, and erect, that’s a signal she’s enjoying your touch! This is often accompanied by chirps and trills, which probably means she wants something from you—such as food or attention.

A sure sign from Jazmine that you can pick her up is when she flops over like this. It’s her way of saying, “I love you, but could you please also give me a snack because I’m so irresistibly adorable?”

Just pay attention to the signs she’s subtly (and sometimes not so subtly giving you) and it will help you determine what is, and isn’t working as you build your loving relationship!

Feline behavior is a fascinating subject and how it ties to the environment they live in and the relationship they share with us is equally fascinating. I did significant research on the subject when I wrote Makin’ Biscuits – Weird Cat Habits and the Even Weirder Habits of the Human Who Love Them. If you would like to learn more about the how’s and why’s of what our cats do, I highly recommend you check the book out! Not only is it entertaining, it’s educational, too! For more information, please click here.